Tuesday, December 30, 2008
24. Bob Loblaw (I need to go home tonight and work on my law blog, the Bob Loblaw Law Blog)
23. White Power Bill ( White power!...after stabbing Gob)
22. Carl Weathers ( You get this bone throw in some carrots, potatoes, spices baby you got a stew!)
21. Maggie Lizer ( What is it justice? Is there some jackassss! in my bath rob?)
20. Steve Holt (Steve Holt!)
19. George Michael (Michael: My son expresses himself just fine right? George Michael: What? Yeah Thanks. Fine I guess. Whatever, I don't care, just stop!
18. Maeby ( Do you know where I can get one of those necklaces with the T on it... Michael: Thats a cross. Maeby: Across from where?)
17. Kitty ( I'm not gonna try and hurt you guys anymore. Just don't piss me off anymore...HA!)
16. Wayne Jarvis ( I was voted the worst participant Cirque Du Soleli ever had. I did not find there antics amusing)
15. Lucille 2 ( Your mother really has a way of getting my goat...Ha Ha)
14. Tony Wonder ( Daryl I told you to move that f&*^%$ chair ten times and clean the dumb waiter)
13. Little Justice ( Hey white power bill has dirty ears. Hey guys dirty ears Bill!)
12. Lindsey ( I have been dropping several hints as to my affection...WHY WON'T YOU F&*^ ME?)
11. Lucille (Michael: You'll have to find someone else to do your bidding. Lucille: There is no one else to do my bidding...)
10. The Literal Doctor (He'll be alright. Cause he's lost his left hand so he'll be all right.)
9. Barry Zuckercorn ( Thats why I wanna settle...I'm no super prepared.)
8. Annyong Bluth (Annyong)
7. Uncle Jack ( Up Dragon Up Dragon. Swoop Me!)
6. George Bluth ( Theres the Jewish notion of heaven and there's your belief in the ever cleansing power of the pipe.)
5. Michael ( Tell Gob I have a nice hard cot here waiting for him. Lucille: You'd do that to your own brother. Michael:...I said Cot!)
4. Tobias ( Even if it means me taking a chubby. I will suck it up!)
3. Narrator (No one was making fun of Andy Griffith. I can not stress that enough)
2. Buster ( Ha what a f&*^%$ baby)
1. GOB (Illusion Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money... or coccaine)
Monday, December 1, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
07. 30 Rock- I love this show because it is the comedy show where the writers and characters are more worried about whats funny, than trying to make great serious compassionate storylines with sympathetic characters. Lets face it, I'm watching this show just to hear clever jokes, funny scenes, and ridicuolous characters which is what exactly this show brings. Reminds me of a good Marx Brothers film going "Yeah we could bombard you with serious stories, humanistic but odd characters and try to resolve issues at the end while being goofy ("cough scrubs") but I think we'll just make you chuckle a bit." And Tina Fey is the first woman since Gilda Radner that can make me laugh out loud, and thats saying a lot. Best character though is Will Arnett: "No we're not GE anymore Jack, it's just G now, I sold the E to Samsung, their Samesung now...I was supposed to be in Conneticut 4 hours ago, which way is easy??"
06. The Shield- I've been watching this show since I was 12, every episode every Tuesday since it's be on and I am finally seeing the end of it all. And this is one of the few dramas that always delivers. Great camera work, perfect acting, gritty dark realism of the streets where the American dream no longer exists, and Vic Mackey the ulitmate in conflicting character. Hes as good as he is bad and vice versa. The strike team is finally being brought down, but all I'm curious about is...could this be the end of Vic??
05. The Daily Show- This show is what America needs, their funny, their smart, their original, their up-to-date on politcs, granted it would be better if they were less liberaly bias and took on both sides. But when these guys find something to riff on "The Bailout Bill, The McCain rallies, The Obama-McCain crowds acting as if this election will destory the world" Their right on target and damn funny too. This is and always will be Jon Stewart's show, especially since he lost Colbert and Carrell, but he found a witty counterpoint in the British John Oliver who brillantly has just been using his high form of satire perfectly. Favorite Line from John: "Oh god this election is over! I haven't been home in two years, I hope someone remembered to feed my cat...Meowgret Scratcher." But Stewart still has my all time favorite "So...today what do you wanna do...discuss the economic market, while this election pulls our country in halves, while we sit here and chuckle at Sarah Palin's latest wink. Well guess what i don't fuckin feel like talking about that right now."
04. Arrested Development. Yeah I know it's off the air!!! But it's still better than 90 percent of the shit we are forced to shovel down as television these days. So it gets a place on this list! You don't like it...while Annyong to you!
03. Pushing Daisies. I'm a fan of anything that will be basically go, whats a boring old type of show we've seen time and time and time again. A: Murder mystery. Oh...well what if the show had Dr Seuss gadgets, colors from the wizard of Oz, a dark undertone to it, some of the best writers on television, and just an oddness to it we haven't seen since Twin Peaks??
I won't watch that...
Neither has most of America sadly but Pushing Daisies is one of the most original shows I have ever seen, its smart, completely different than anything else you will see on any tv station and a cast that is so (god forgive me for saying this word) quirkly perfect that you for once can just sit in, watch something just fun and entertaining and remember theres nothing wrong with entertainment when it's this well done.
02. Doctor Who. It's got the doctor, it's got Donna, it's got robots, it's got british humor, it's got a gigantic sci-fi epic ending, it's been on for nearly 45 years. WATCH IT!
Q: There's a man here...say's hes a doctor....
Scientist: Of medicine?
Q: Of everything
02. The Office- This is the best show on American basic cable. It's also probably the first and only time we've taken a British show and made it better. This show could not have a better cast, everyone is not great but perfect in their roles, their all funny in their own unique way, it's not like Friends where everyone is basically the same and we laugh at the same joke, no one is exactly alike and you can easily identify their personalities after a few words. What makes this season so great though is how smart the writers have been, they've given Michael less episodes revolving around him, hes funny as hell but too much can be too much, instead of using Jim and Pam and their relationship as the basis of every episode and doing the Scrubs thing where they make-up, break-up, ever few days, they smartly made them seal the deal, showed the audience these are people who really love each other, and BAM used their other cast members. No other show can be that smart, they took the lesser known funny characters and bulked em up to main characters which is great because those guys are already so funny. But don't be discouraged there is still plenty of Jim and Dwight. American Comedy...thy name is the Office
Pam over a phone: Ohhh cool shoes
Jim Answering her: How many shoes do you need
Dwight un-aware he's talking to Pam: I Dunno, 2, 3 if one wares out...
01. Sons of Anarchy. How do they do it? How does FX always manage to have the best, original, shows on television, they have had decent (The Riches, Testees, Nip/Tuck), Good (It's always sunny in philly, Rescue Me,) Great (The Shield, Damages) but this is far and away the high water mark of this network. The show could not be more riveting or funny. Every character is a bad ass but human, not like or their so senstive and emotional FUCK THAT!, these are real tough guys, loyal to their family and friends, but not afraid to throw a punch and than wine about it later. The names of the characters just spell out cool...Jacks, Bobby Elvis, Opie, Tigs, Jenna, and The King...Clay Morrow.(Sounds like someone who could share the piss out of the devil) But above all else the stories are always compelling and interesting, the lines are funny yet never feel like they are script written, the characters are all played perfectly. This show is the best thing on television. Nothing even compares to it. This show is so good I say it late on wednedays and come late to parties just to catch the full episode. If this show gets another season...sign me up as A son cause I wanna go along for the full ride.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
That album is the Plastic Ono Band by John Lennon.
Never in any other genre will you find the sense of pain found in Lennon's voice on the opening track "Mother." Numerous groups have given great throat shredders or emotional pleas but what Lennon gives is pure pain, the real kind. Lennon's mother died when he was just a teen and his father abandoned him before he ever got to know him. This is a man singing lyrics that are real, he knows what it really means to be abandoned, what it really is to feel all alone. When he screams "Mama don't go! Daddy come home!" there is no mistaking the feeling of hurt. No one else in music has ever come close to hitting that point since.
Ever song on the album bleeds real and sincerity but I will only point out the ones that need to be heard, other than should be heard. The plea for help in "Hold On" is the best song ever written about going on. So many groups recently have talked about suicide as a way to escape the pain, Lennon gives the life affirming praise that it hurts but hold on things will get better, in the music the listener can literally feel that he's right.
The angry "Working Class Hero" is the best anthem without drums. The songs lyrical rawness about being proud of being a working stiff, of being an indivdual in a world that demands conformity, is incredible to hear. It's one of the few songs that can really inspire someone, that can make the listener really feel proud of who they are.
"God" even the title is powerful, but don't be fooled this is not a religious hymn. Like Working Class Hero this is a song about believing in one's self over running to others for answers. Not only religious icons but leaders, musicians, people in history who we know follow Lennon sweeps off, including his old band. The song is a clean slate really, for John and for the listener, it is life affirming when he says "The dream is over" because it feels more as if he is telling to quit living the dream and life your life. Don't follow icons or others follow yourself.
The album does not have a bad cut and I recommend this as an album to just light a joint to, sit back, and just let the songs roll, let them enter your mind really listen. There's no pop here, no catchy tunes, or political slogans, only a human being giving the most emotionally record ever recorded. Punk rock has always preached being real and being true, Lennon than is the truest of them all, he walked like he talked, he never sold out, he sang only of what he believed was true, and he didn't care if anyone is listening, he wasn't looking to back a canidate, or help our a specific cause, his only belief was we are all humans and we should all love one another, no arguments.
That is life, that is raw, that is real, that ladies and gentleman is the Plastic Ono Band.
Friday, October 31, 2008
5. The bat creatures from the descent- Granted they were the most ridiculous looking but when your trapped down in a dark cave with creatures who look like them and are bred like animals that sends a chill up your spine. Especially the seen where we first get a look at these things and really see them as the demons in our heads. What makes them the best though if usually in horror movies someone is in a place they've been before so they have the upperhand, a house, manison, someplace they wandered into previously in the film, in the cave though these guys are all the advantages. No cops to call for help this time ladies.
4. Zombies from 28 days later- Before zombies we're slow, easily escapable as long as you knew how to stroll, and we're easily outwitted, than came Danny Boyle to put the fear of god into you about these things. Not only could they move but they could move a lot faster than you. There was no waltzing for these creatures they moved like packs of wolves only a like more terrifying to look at. It took a good long time before someone finally came up with the idea of giving them all the advantages such as speed, endurance, and being completely ruthless. Don't believe me? Watch the first 8 minutes of 28 weeks later, you'll have nightmares forever.
3. Michael Meyers- He is the original. Before anyone got hip to the serial killer movie Meyers was there to really give you a freight. What made him the best was that we never really saw his face, he looked like a college kid out for Halloween, who just happened to be a psychotic murderer with a big butcher knife. Best thing is that he seems almost inhuman throughout the film, where countless other serial killers now seem to have this power we don't know how they come back till the next film, in this one we see Michael stabbed, shot and tossed off a 3 story house onto his back and someone get up like nothing ever happened. How do you stop something that you don't ever understand? As they say in the film...He was the boogie man
2. Jigsaw- Psychosis is easily the horror movie's favorite character trait. But where Jigsaw differs is he takes people who are already kind of scum bags, alcoholic fathers, scum bag detectives, husbands who choose to cheat other than fix their family. Where he reallys makes us churn is that he feels what he does is right, he doesn't laugh or smile when he does it as if he is having fun like many others, he as a look as if this needs to be done, like this is a job and he's the top salesman. This is where his fear is, is looking at him wondering why he keeps going why he has to go so far and feel nothing? To be able to kill, torture, and invoke so much pain in people and seem to get nothing out of it, is really something horrible behind your dead eyes. I mean come on Hitler had it.
1. The Joker- I know I know he's not a horror movie icon but he damn well should be. The Joker is the opposite of Jigsaw which is that he enjoys what he does, he does it for no good reason, and where Jigsaw has been hurt and you can see pain The Joker feels nothing, there's no way to beat him or injure him. The scene in the Dark Knight where he takes the fake Batman and teases him before he dies is terrifying because we don't see anything only hear the glee and charm in the Joker's voice while his poor victim knows he is about to die. There's no good guy coming to save this man, their's no way to beat the villian he is smart, ruthless, and without a purpose. Sometimes thats the worst one, how do you stop someone when there is nothing you can really do? How do you beat someone who wants to be beaten? How do you gain victory when he plays everyone like a game of cards and still comes out on top... Thats fear is when no matter what the good guy can't win.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Didn't tell Angelina Jolie and Rosario Dawson that he was sleeping with Jessica Alba behind their backs.
When Scorsese speaks he would point a gun at anyone he spoke during his speeches and ask "Have you ever see Goodfellas?"
Was reportedly responsible for the deaths of the entire cast of high school musical, though no charges were ever filed.
Refused to direct the biography about Joe Louis when producers wouldn't let him use his original title for the film "Joe Louis: Why he is dead and can still kick your candy ass!"
Well let's face it on basic cable their is really nothing that interesting to watch, House is pretty much the exact same show since it started. Cop shows these days multiply like Irish bunnies after a keggar, and sitcoms are about as dead as Reagan. But alas there is a bit of hope, NBC show how managed to scrounge together a line up of 4 shows still worth watching. The Office, Scrubs, My name is Earl, and 30 rock. But which is truly the best??
This is a tie for best written characters and like ability and interest and realism the award goes hands dow to the office. The characters on this show could very possibly be people we actually might know in this dull world of cubicles and salesman. It really is worth watching above anything else.
But funniest? Ladies and gentlemen the funniest show on television now is.....drum roll.....
30 rock. You may be shocked but trust me it really is. Where the office is hysterical it still as it's miss episodes that make you go... "oh well that was um...enteraining" Not many but they have had their view. 30 rock so far always had something clever and really very funny, and Tina Fey is one hell of a great writer. I am not a usual fan of female comedians because they are usually straight men or don't want to be too silly cause is un femine. Tina does not have this problem she has no trouble making herself look foolish, goofy, dumb, and odd. All the ingridients needed to make a very funny star.
And the rest? I don't have time to type all the great gags and hysterical lines or characters but come on...Alec Baldwin pretending to be Tracy Morgrans father by acting like Red Foxx, Tracy Morgrans video for werewolf bar mitz vah, the page off, the rural juror, Kenneth's party???? This show isn't as realistic or humbling as the office but it is sure as fuck the funniest show on television. Don't believe me? Pick an episode and laugh your ass off.
I know some of you are dismayed at why not scrubs or earl? While Earl is entertaining and enjoyable but never have i actually laughed at the show...there all dumb, there's no real great characters or dialog, just some people your willing to kill some time with.
And scrubs? let me be the first to say I used to love love love this show when it was quirky and goofy but still had heart. Now it's a bad version of MASH, the show can't decide whether it wants to take something seriously or just be a clown episode. I mean the episode where Laverne dies!? and everyone is still making these really dumb gags about pooing and sex while someone they care about is 50 feet away dying? WTF thats less likeable than anything even on Arrested Development. Plus the characters are just dow right annoying, JD hasn't matured at all in fact he's more like a girl than before and less fun to watch. I love the old scrubs but I am not complaining at all if they cancel it. Sorry world but scrubs is the equivalent to the simpons these days.
watch the office and 30 rock and actually laugh again
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Yeah. I can't even think of words enough to describe last night's show. Let's say this, I've been to quite a few shows in my lifetime, none of them even came close to the raw power, energy, and musical prowess of the Who (even minus two members!!).
The night kicked off with a fantastic little band from Canada called Inward Eye. The way I saw them was Green Day form twenty years ago when they were still playing small clubs in the East Bay, with more pop sensibilities, and just a little hint of rockabilly. In other words, they were freakin' fantastic. They had great energy onstage, and it was aparent to everyone that they were the time of their lives. The one thing that impressed me most about Inward Eye was the unbelievably mad skills their drummer had. If Keith Moon and Matt Helders (of Arctic Monkeys fame) had a baby, it would be this dude. He had some of the msot complex drum beats i've ever seen someone hammer out, and at the same time, he looked like he was having fun doing it. The best part(s) of their show was not once, not twice, but four times when the drummer broke his sticks. This may seem like a boring thing, but let me explain, you would hear the stick crack and then the next second it would go flying in the air as he discarded it. The amazing part was that he never missed a beat though! He'd be going full tilt, break a stick, and have another in his hand in an instant. Brilliant!
So after a great opening act, I was a little wary of how the rest of the night would play out. I had my doubts as to what Roger's vocal abilities would be for the majority of the songs. Every single one of those doubts was put to rest the seond they stepped onstage. Roger, looking classy as always with a white button down and a vest; and Pete with his sunglasses on looking cool as hell! He wasted no time time leading the band with the hard, crunching first chords of "Can't Explain". And it just got better from there. They tore through nearly two and a half hours of rock the way it should be, loud as hell. The set consisted mostly of their well known songs, but they threw a few curveballs in there, and it definitely worked in their favor. The highlight of the show for me was hearing "5:15" (my dad's favorite Who song) right into "Love Reign O'er Me" (my favorite Who song). Roger absolutely slayed the vocals on "Love", the likes of which I've never heard before. It was at that point that I believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that he can sing 99% as well as he could thirty years ago. Throughout the whole show Pete kept the audience laughing with his sharp British wit. Even proclaiming at one point, "I'm Ozzy Ozbourne! Prince of Darkness!". Overall, no one in that arena could've asked for more, we came expecting to be blown away, and at ages 63 and 64, Roger and Pete, respectively, rocked the roof off The Palace.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
"Prisoner of Azkaban."
And my stomached literally turned.
I've never been one for many big social trends, I don't try to delibratley try and rally against them it's just I usually find something very fake about them. Everyone gets hip to Dane Cook, I run to the comfort of Mitch Hedberg, everyone calls Transformers far and away amazing, and I'm wondering what drug Hollywood slipped onto that screen, everyone buys into reality television I'm still trying to find a way to sue FOX for taking Arrested Development off the air. Than there's HP...I've read the first 4 books of this series and I read them hoping I'd find something interesting, or funny, or just good about these stories. And I can't, the characters seem dull and cliche', let's see a smart girl who no one seems to like, a best friend who is the biggest loser in the school, not to mention a redhead, a headmaster who is of course a very old man who seems to know how everything is going to play out but doesn't seem to ever do shit till it's too late, an arch nemesis who happens to be rich and BLONDE! perfect formula for most kinds of stories. What makes HP work however is that we've thrown them all into one big pot and we're calling it a masterpiece.
I call it boring, overlong, dribble, people who tell me they finished a Harry Potter book in 4 days is like telling me you just beat a handicapped kid in basketball, it's not an achievement it just means you don't like to be challenged. I know book taste is a matter of opinion and everyone is entitled to theirs, I know this won't change anyone's thoughts, in fact it'll probably just make me a few enemies, but I don't really care.
HP is not a special, complicated work, it's a long drawn out story, that frankly seems like it could have been resolved much quicker, it's just J.K. Rowling has developed a sixth sense how to make some good cash. I'm hoping we pass a law soon that for every HP book sold, they have to take a copy of Mark Twain, or James Joyce, or Agatha Christie with the buyer just so they realize what a real writer sounds like.
I'll say more at another time this is me pretty much getting out my emotions on a developing cult that will soon be surpassed only by Scientology.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Well welcome one and all to the chaotic and mixed up minds of myself and my friend Patrick. I'm keeping this one short because I've got things washing at the moment...I won't say what but they are things...
Nothing ever written here will probably follow any sort of logic, they'll be arguments, polls, lists, opinions, random meaningless gibberish...so basically we're the USA TODAT with less advertisment.
Hope you enjoy.
P.S. Are we human? or Are We Dancer?
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Creeping on the death's doorstep: Nirvana- Unplugged in New York
Accepting this is it: The Decemberists- Castaways and Cutouts
Last Laughs: Mitch Hedberg- Mitch All Together (yeah it wasn't on my original list, but oh well, it'd be worth it)
Fading into the Light: Bruce Springsteen- Born to Run (drawing my last breath as Jungleland ends)
Accepting my death and all of my sins- Rum, Sodomy and The Lash
Going out with a smile cause I'm proud of all of my sins- Kick Of The Jams
Realizing the darkness is creeping around me- The Heart of Saturday Night
Going out with a bang- Who's Next, letting the lights go out for good as the band crashes into the finale of "Won't Get Fooled Again"