Friday, October 31, 2008

5 scariest horror movie monsters

In honor of this our O hallow's eve I thought we go through a list of those who really do haunt our nightmares.

5. The bat creatures from the descent- Granted they were the most ridiculous looking but when your trapped down in a dark cave with creatures who look like them and are bred like animals that sends a chill up your spine. Especially the seen where we first get a look at these things and really see them as the demons in our heads. What makes them the best though if usually in horror movies someone is in a place they've been before so they have the upperhand, a house, manison, someplace they wandered into previously in the film, in the cave though these guys are all the advantages. No cops to call for help this time ladies.

4. Zombies from 28 days later- Before zombies we're slow, easily escapable as long as you knew how to stroll, and we're easily outwitted, than came Danny Boyle to put the fear of god into you about these things. Not only could they move but they could move a lot faster than you. There was no waltzing for these creatures they moved like packs of wolves only a like more terrifying to look at. It took a good long time before someone finally came up with the idea of giving them all the advantages such as speed, endurance, and being completely ruthless. Don't believe me? Watch the first 8 minutes of 28 weeks later, you'll have nightmares forever.

3. Michael Meyers- He is the original. Before anyone got hip to the serial killer movie Meyers was there to really give you a freight. What made him the best was that we never really saw his face, he looked like a college kid out for Halloween, who just happened to be a psychotic murderer with a big butcher knife. Best thing is that he seems almost inhuman throughout the film, where countless other serial killers now seem to have this power we don't know how they come back till the next film, in this one we see Michael stabbed, shot and tossed off a 3 story house onto his back and someone get up like nothing ever happened. How do you stop something that you don't ever understand? As they say in the film...He was the boogie man

2. Jigsaw- Psychosis is easily the horror movie's favorite character trait. But where Jigsaw differs is he takes people who are already kind of scum bags, alcoholic fathers, scum bag detectives, husbands who choose to cheat other than fix their family. Where he reallys makes us churn is that he feels what he does is right, he doesn't laugh or smile when he does it as if he is having fun like many others, he as a look as if this needs to be done, like this is a job and he's the top salesman. This is where his fear is, is looking at him wondering why he keeps going why he has to go so far and feel nothing? To be able to kill, torture, and invoke so much pain in people and seem to get nothing out of it, is really something horrible behind your dead eyes. I mean come on Hitler had it.

1. The Joker- I know I know he's not a horror movie icon but he damn well should be. The Joker is the opposite of Jigsaw which is that he enjoys what he does, he does it for no good reason, and where Jigsaw has been hurt and you can see pain The Joker feels nothing, there's no way to beat him or injure him. The scene in the Dark Knight where he takes the fake Batman and teases him before he dies is terrifying because we don't see anything only hear the glee and charm in the Joker's voice while his poor victim knows he is about to die. There's no good guy coming to save this man, their's no way to beat the villian he is smart, ruthless, and without a purpose. Sometimes thats the worst one, how do you stop someone when there is nothing you can really do? How do you beat someone who wants to be beaten? How do you gain victory when he plays everyone like a game of cards and still comes out on top... Thats fear is when no matter what the good guy can't win.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Top 5 things my IMDB page will say about my connection to celebrities when I die

Personnally ruined Michael Cera's career after hearing he refused to do an Arrested Development movie. Felt no remorse at all doing it either.

Didn't tell Angelina Jolie and Rosario Dawson that he was sleeping with Jessica Alba behind their backs.

When Scorsese speaks he would point a gun at anyone he spoke during his speeches and ask "Have you ever see Goodfellas?"

Was reportedly responsible for the deaths of the entire cast of high school musical, though no charges were ever filed.

Refused to direct the biography about Joe Louis when producers wouldn't let him use his original title for the film "Joe Louis: Why he is dead and can still kick your candy ass!"

Best show on television. (ABC, NBC, CBS, and FOX)

Well Arrested Development is off the air so that cancels that out, but it woulda been a one sided fight anyway if it were still on.

Well let's face it on basic cable their is really nothing that interesting to watch, House is pretty much the exact same show since it started. Cop shows these days multiply like Irish bunnies after a keggar, and sitcoms are about as dead as Reagan. But alas there is a bit of hope, NBC show how managed to scrounge together a line up of 4 shows still worth watching. The Office, Scrubs, My name is Earl, and 30 rock. But which is truly the best??

This is a tie for best written characters and like ability and interest and realism the award goes hands dow to the office. The characters on this show could very possibly be people we actually might know in this dull world of cubicles and salesman. It really is worth watching above anything else.

But funniest? Ladies and gentlemen the funniest show on television now is.....drum roll.....
30 rock. You may be shocked but trust me it really is. Where the office is hysterical it still as it's miss episodes that make you go... "oh well that was um...enteraining" Not many but they have had their view. 30 rock so far always had something clever and really very funny, and Tina Fey is one hell of a great writer. I am not a usual fan of female comedians because they are usually straight men or don't want to be too silly cause is un femine. Tina does not have this problem she has no trouble making herself look foolish, goofy, dumb, and odd. All the ingridients needed to make a very funny star.

And the rest? I don't have time to type all the great gags and hysterical lines or characters but come on...Alec Baldwin pretending to be Tracy Morgrans father by acting like Red Foxx, Tracy Morgrans video for werewolf bar mitz vah, the page off, the rural juror, Kenneth's party???? This show isn't as realistic or humbling as the office but it is sure as fuck the funniest show on television. Don't believe me? Pick an episode and laugh your ass off.

I know some of you are dismayed at why not scrubs or earl? While Earl is entertaining and enjoyable but never have i actually laughed at the show...there all dumb, there's no real great characters or dialog, just some people your willing to kill some time with.

And scrubs? let me be the first to say I used to love love love this show when it was quirky and goofy but still had heart. Now it's a bad version of MASH, the show can't decide whether it wants to take something seriously or just be a clown episode. I mean the episode where Laverne dies!? and everyone is still making these really dumb gags about pooing and sex while someone they care about is 50 feet away dying? WTF thats less likeable than anything even on Arrested Development. Plus the characters are just dow right annoying, JD hasn't matured at all in fact he's more like a girl than before and less fun to watch. I love the old scrubs but I am not complaining at all if they cancel it. Sorry world but scrubs is the equivalent to the simpons these days.

watch the office and 30 rock and actually laugh again

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The Who Live At the Palace at Auburn Hills

Yeah. I can't even think of words enough to describe last night's show. Let's say this, I've been to quite a few shows in my lifetime, none of them even came close to the raw power, energy, and musical prowess of the Who (even minus two members!!).

The night kicked off with a fantastic little band from Canada called Inward Eye. The way I saw them was Green Day form twenty years ago when they were still playing small clubs in the East Bay, with more pop sensibilities, and just a little hint of rockabilly. In other words, they were freakin' fantastic. They had great energy onstage, and it was aparent to everyone that they were the time of their lives. The one thing that impressed me most about Inward Eye was the unbelievably mad skills their drummer had. If Keith Moon and Matt Helders (of Arctic Monkeys fame) had a baby, it would be this dude. He had some of the msot complex drum beats i've ever seen someone hammer out, and at the same time, he looked like he was having fun doing it. The best part(s) of their show was not once, not twice, but four times when the drummer broke his sticks. This may seem like a boring thing, but let me explain, you would hear the stick crack and then the next second it would go flying in the air as he discarded it. The amazing part was that he never missed a beat though! He'd be going full tilt, break a stick, and have another in his hand in an instant. Brilliant!

So after a great opening act, I was a little wary of how the rest of the night would play out. I had my doubts as to what Roger's vocal abilities would be for the majority of the songs. Every single one of those doubts was put to rest the seond they stepped onstage. Roger, looking classy as always with a white button down and a vest; and Pete with his sunglasses on looking cool as hell! He wasted no time time leading the band with the hard, crunching first chords of "Can't Explain". And it just got better from there. They tore through nearly two and a half hours of rock the way it should be, loud as hell. The set consisted mostly of their well known songs, but they threw a few curveballs in there, and it definitely worked in their favor. The highlight of the show for me was hearing "5:15" (my dad's favorite Who song) right into "Love Reign O'er Me" (my favorite Who song). Roger absolutely slayed the vocals on "Love", the likes of which I've never heard before. It was at that point that I believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that he can sing 99% as well as he could thirty years ago. Throughout the whole show Pete kept the audience laughing with his sharp British wit. Even proclaiming at one point, "I'm Ozzy Ozbourne! Prince of Darkness!". Overall, no one in that arena could've asked for more, we came expecting to be blown away, and at ages 63 and 64, Roger and Pete, respectively, rocked the roof off The Palace.

The Who: Live at The Palace

Set List:

1. Can't Explain
2. The Seeker
3. Gettin' In Tune
4. The Ocean
5. Who Are You
6. Behind Blue Eyes
7. Tattoo
8. Baba O'Riley
9. Relay
10. Sister Disco
11. Everything's Alright
12. Eminence Front
13. 5:15
14. Love Reign O'er Me
15. My Generation
16. Won't Get Fooled Again

17. Magic Bus
18. Pinball Wizard False Start
19. Tommy Medley (Pinball Wizard-->The Amazing Journey--> Sparks--> See Me, Feel Me...

Roger & Pete Solo
20. Tea and Theatre

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Not My Generation

So i know you're all gonna be jealous that i get to go see The Who tonight at the Palace. They're kicking off their U.S. tour and i will be there. Don't worry, there'll be a full review and setlist posted up here tomorrow, so check back then.

In other news related to Detroit, Eminem has announced that he will in fact release a new album this year entitled, Relapse, and you can listen to the new single that's been leaked at this site:

see ya's tomorrow!


Monday, October 20, 2008

Harry Potter...yyyyeeaahhhhh

My original attention for this post was to be about Jack White, but I just several seconds ago someone wearing a shirt that bore the following:
"Prisoner of Azkaban."

And my stomached literally turned.
I've never been one for many big social trends, I don't try to delibratley try and rally against them it's just I usually find something very fake about them. Everyone gets hip to Dane Cook, I run to the comfort of Mitch Hedberg, everyone calls Transformers far and away amazing, and I'm wondering what drug Hollywood slipped onto that screen, everyone buys into reality television I'm still trying to find a way to sue FOX for taking Arrested Development off the air. Than there's HP...I've read the first 4 books of this series and I read them hoping I'd find something interesting, or funny, or just good about these stories. And I can't, the characters seem dull and cliche', let's see a smart girl who no one seems to like, a best friend who is the biggest loser in the school, not to mention a redhead, a headmaster who is of course a very old man who seems to know how everything is going to play out but doesn't seem to ever do shit till it's too late, an arch nemesis who happens to be rich and BLONDE! perfect formula for most kinds of stories. What makes HP work however is that we've thrown them all into one big pot and we're calling it a masterpiece.
I call it boring, overlong, dribble, people who tell me they finished a Harry Potter book in 4 days is like telling me you just beat a handicapped kid in basketball, it's not an achievement it just means you don't like to be challenged. I know book taste is a matter of opinion and everyone is entitled to theirs, I know this won't change anyone's thoughts, in fact it'll probably just make me a few enemies, but I don't really care.
HP is not a special, complicated work, it's a long drawn out story, that frankly seems like it could have been resolved much quicker, it's just J.K. Rowling has developed a sixth sense how to make some good cash. I'm hoping we pass a law soon that for every HP book sold, they have to take a copy of Mark Twain, or James Joyce, or Agatha Christie with the buyer just so they realize what a real writer sounds like.
I'll say more at another time this is me pretty much getting out my emotions on a developing cult that will soon be surpassed only by Scientology.

Artist of the Week

Starting today, I'll be telling ya'll who kicks ass and why you should listen to them.

This week's pick is none other than the beautiful, Jenny Lewis. With her album Acid Tongue dropping a few weeks ago i haven't been able to get this angel's voice out of my head. Her voice just makes me melt everytime i hear it (and at 6' 4" it takes a lot to melt me). The instrumentation is very stripped down and minimalistic which forces you to consider her voice as an instrument onto itself, and oh what an instrument it is. With the edition of backing vocals on some songs (i.e. "Acid Tongue") her sound is even further enhanced. As if it couldn't get any better, her lyrics resonate with the biting realism and truth that everyone can relate to. 2006's Rabbit Fur Coat was a hard record to follow up on, but Jenny managed to knock it out of the park once again.


Saturday, October 18, 2008

There is nothing wrong...

There is nothing wrong with computer...we are in control....
Spooky huh?
Well welcome one and all to the chaotic and mixed up minds of myself and my friend Patrick. I'm keeping this one short because I've got things washing at the moment...I won't say what but they are things...
Nothing ever written here will probably follow any sort of logic, they'll be arguments, polls, lists, opinions, random meaningless basically we're the USA TODAT with less advertisment.
Hope you enjoy.

P.S. Are we human? or Are We Dancer?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Five Records Before I Die

in the spirit of Bob Boilen's request, Sean and i (after much deliberation) composed our lists. 


Laying knowing i'm going to die: Johnny Cash- Live at Folsom Prison

Creeping on the death's doorstep: Nirvana- Unplugged in New York

Accepting this is it: The Decemberists- Castaways and Cutouts

Last Laughs: Mitch Hedberg- Mitch All Together (yeah it wasn't on my original list, but oh well, it'd be worth it)

Fading into the Light: Bruce Springsteen- Born to Run (drawing my last breath as Jungleland ends)

And of course, Sean's:

Realizing I am about to die- Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots, so i can remeber all the good things about my life.

Accepting my death and all of my sins- Rum, Sodomy and The Lash

Going out with a smile cause I'm proud of all of my sins- Kick Of The Jams

Realizing the darkness is creeping around me- The Heart of Saturday Night

Going out with a bang- Who's Next, letting the lights go out for good as the band crashes into the finale of "Won't Get Fooled Again"